I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
