im having a threesome with these popsicles
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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