I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
