her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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