Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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