so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
