I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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