I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
