just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
