I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
