isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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