dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize