my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Let's get the cat blown out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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