would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
