youre lurking in front of me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
