For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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