He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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