if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
