you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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