Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
