i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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