this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize