I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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