girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
