dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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