My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
