Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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