Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
