im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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