Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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