It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
