Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
