i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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