that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize