i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
