i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
