its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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