He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
