Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
