dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
