i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
