So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dicks are not precious.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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