I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize