do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
