If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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