I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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