it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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