Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't notice because vodka
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
