You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
