She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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