College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
