He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize