No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
