im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You need a sexual gate keeper
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
