I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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