I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
