I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
