i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hippo gnu deer
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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