Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
