i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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