you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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