I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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