sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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