Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
