Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
