Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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