respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
