Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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