Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
