where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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