So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
