Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
