I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
