does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
