i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
