If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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