Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
