I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
