I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
